My concern is not with morality or judgment of "right", "wrong" or "normal". My concern, as a cognitive-behavioral therapist is "does it work?" "Is that effective?" "Did you get what you wanted?" These are perfectly legitimate concerns and questions to ask a client. I am somewhat puzzled by your statement "...don't tell your client their behavior may be problematic". Surely, you can't mean that as an absolute principle??? What about an HIV+ client having unprotected sex? What about a teenager huffing gasoline? Our clients already know their behavior is problematic...that's often why they come to see us. For us not to acknowledge that is disingenuous, in my opinion. Sharing information, whether it be from research or clinical experience is also a perfectly legitimate task of a therapist. What the client does with it is their responsibility. To never inform clients of possible hazards of their behavior seems to deny a reality both the client and therapist are aware of. In some rare cases, I think it might be downright dangerous. As far as affairs hurting marriages...well, I'm pretty comfortable asserting that they do, usually. Nothing is 100%, but I can see, and I can hear. Whether or not they are "right" "wrong" or "normal", they ruin a relationship more often than not. They cause a great deal of pain more often than not. If you have a reputable study that says affairs are not harmful ("an outcome study") I'd be glad to read it.
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