While you each make good points with which I agree, I disagree with the major thrusts of what you're saying.
1. in my experience, affairs don't *always* end badly, nor do marriages that have them. some people have good reasons for affairs, and even though breaking agreements is generally not a good thing, life isn't simple enough to say it's never ok or always completely destructive. for example, sometimes lying is the less disruptive or destructive of 2 unfortunate choices.
2. depending on the situation, we *can* do effective marital work when one partner is having an affair. the fact is, we do it every week, but we just don't know it. we know that clients withhold lots of information from us--so i assume this includes affairs.
3. if we don't have the stomach for a particular kind of case or behavior, by all means leave the case--but don't tell the client their behavior has been shown to be problematic. the fact is, we have so little outcome data about our work, we have very little idea about what works and what doesn't.
4. doesn't anyone ask *why* an otherwise honorable person (client) is having an affair--i.e., violating their own values and risking their relationship? what does it mean to them? where do they imagine they'll be in a year? we learn more from this approach than from pathologizing this extremely common behavior.
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