Thanks, Jeff, for recounting Erickson's definition of mature love, "in your happiness, I find my happiness."
This is basically the same as what I think of as the common element of love. What is love? We often talk of many different kinds of love: love of a parent for a child, love of a child for a parent, love between friends, love between lovers, etc. Though all these types of love a different, they all must have something in common, since they are all love. I believe that all of the different types of love share the following: Your joy gives me joy and your sorrow gives me sorrow.
I believe that this second of the above definition is important because it shows that an abusive and controlling relationship is not love. I would content that what is often called love is more like what we might call "joy of ownership or possession." I any case, it is not love.
I would be interested in what thoughts you or anyone else might have on this subject.
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