Re: question

Have I ever felt an attraction to, or protective of, a client? NO, absolutely not!
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Ok, that's a big lie. Yes, of course I have felt attracted to, and protective of, clients I'm seeing. I was fortunate enough during my training to have great clinical supervisors whom I trusted very much, so no, I never had to hide it.

For myself, I've learned that the first sign of countertransference is doing something different, or "bending" policy. For example, if I'm spending a little "extra" time with someone, or not enforcing the broken appointment policy, that's a good sign to me I'm over-involved.

I've also learned to reframe my concept of "help" when I encounter this situation. Am I "helping" the client or am I enabling them? Am I "helping" them by not setting good boundaries? Am I "helping" them but not following through with what I've said? I avoid the temptation to give into my short-term anxiety (usually around confrontation) in order to see the bigger picture.

I am currently seeing a client, 32 year old female, 3 kids. She works full time, and gets no public assistance at all. Her ex, wonderful human that he is, was abusive to her since they were teenagers. A few years ago, he barricaded all the doors except the front one, unplugged the phone, and lay in wait for her. When she and the kids came home,
he stabbed her in the heart. He served one year in jail.

He does not pay child support, and has violated the restraining order against him (actually going back to prison once). A few weeks ago, he and his new wife won the lottery. The District Attorney's family bureau says there's nothing they can do. The ticket is the "wife's".

How can any clinician not be moved by stories like these? I'll tell you, I wanted to write her a check the first time I met her! Alas, that's not my role, and of course, I did not. Different cases move us in different ways...that's why we have laws, rules, policies, and ethics. Self awareness is the key to the whole process. A great professor of mine in graduate school told us "The task of a great therapist is relentless self-reflection." I like that.

Sorry to be so verbose!
Sean

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