Re:Therapist (Un)caring

Hey Wondering.

It sounds to me you are really asking some essential questions as to what a therapy relationship can or cant be or become. I would encourage you to do a lot of research on this, outside asking questions of unknown people on a board like this.

The therapy relationship is started with the express and limited purpose to help you. It is not a friendship or a love relationship because in those kinds of relationships you have to give something back as well as receive. Those relationships can be very difficult to use to help you in the way your therapist should help you, because they are personal.

When that is said therapy (especially good therapy) often uncovers deep inner needs, and it is part of good therapy to help you find responsible ways to express and meet those needs. Sometimes a therapist can be helpful in meeting needs, but this is tricky business.

For instance, we are all aware that therapists are not ever allowed to have sex with a client so if the needs you uncover are sexual in nature your therapist cant actually meet those needs.

The reason for this is solely to protect you. In the therapy relationship you are vulnerable. A therapist can take advantage of that, and if a therapist starts to use the relationship to you to meet his or her own needs then it is no longer focused on helping you in your life.

In the therapy relationship however there are plenty of grey areas of where a therapist can go in and help meet your needs, and when the therapist has to help you find another way to meet your needs. In real life each therapist has their own boundaries for where they will go with this, and how they do it. Some completely bans all touch from clients for all reasons, including handshakes. Others think an occassional hug is ok in some situations. Some therapists will express a certain amount of caring about their clients (although they wont all call it "caring" they might call it unconditional positive regard for instance), others will give you the speech about having to stay completely neutral.

Either way, it is a difficult, delicate balance to walk. The end goal is to help you become independent of your therapist, and to live a life free of the past to the highest extend possible.

A therapist has to make decisions on how they interact with you based on that goal. The best therapists (in my experience) can and will do some meeting of your needs, but there are still plenty of your needs they cant possibly meet. For instance there is a thread above where a therapist is trying to find a way to meet her clients need to do limited note taking. The less skilled therapists will bounce it back on you and push you towards finding ways to meet all your needs in the "real world".

Therapy that tabs into your deep unfulfilled needs is incredibly hard and painful. Make sure to find someone you trust to do that work with. When that is said, in the end it is up to you to own and work with your own needs.

Warm regards
Da Friendly Puter Tech

Replies:

Re:Therapist (Un)caring, by wondering, 03/08/04 Re:Therapist (Un)caring, by DBS, 03/10/04

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