PREFACE Please see the posting above titled "Explanation of Six Didactic Letters from Narcissus" if you have not already read it so you understand that this letter is fictitious and used only for instruction. Questions and comments can be directed to Jessica, not to Narcissus, who cannot really write or speak about the matters in these letters, of course. In this fourth letter, Narcissus refers to the importance of therapists' being able to experience and accept passive-to-active tests. Also Narcissus notes that it's important for a therapist to realize she or he is a model showing by example how it may be possible eventually for Narcissus to also react when Narcissus is treated in objectionable ways like the ways used in testing. In other words, the therapist's actions in response to passive-to-active tests are often more important than interpretations in helping Narcissus learn better adaptations from a "good enough" example provided by the therapist. Narcissus again notes that he or she may find it impossible to even attend to verbal interpretations the therapist may offer, however much the interpretations may be correct in a literal sense, if the therapist has not already demonstrated an ability to contain the feelings aroused by a test and an ability to take responsible action when needed. In this letter, Narcissus also refers to the importance of understanding that his or her unsatisfactory adaptations, which first gave rise to the pathological beliefs that now impede development, were learned early in life when it was not developmentally possible to fully comprehend or emotionally withstand in consciousness a full understanding of what was happening. Thus, action tests, rather than conscious verbal therapeutic dialogues with the therapist about Narcissus' pathological beliefs, are needed for communication now because this action method of communication is commensurate with the (young mind) level of emotional and cognitive development present at the time when the beliefs themselves were first created. Narcissus also notes that some patients may never begin to have a very extensive conscious verbal dialogue about their earlier dynamics. Instead some patients simply improve their functioning and satisfaction and continue to make new adaptions after a therapist successfully passes enough of the patient's tests. That is, some patients successfully complete their therapy with very little cognitive or conscious verbalized elaboration of their earlier difficulties. And Narcissus also mentions the fact that therapists can be expected to fail some tests. This usually does not totally defeat the therapy, however, because patients often continue to be willing to work with therapists until therapists can figure out what's going on and fianlly "get it right." It is not necessary for a therapist to be faultless or even good in passing early tests. It's only necessary for the therapist to prove to be a "good enough" therapist. ............................................................ If I Could Speak, Letter IV Hi there, Narcissus here again back at you all. If I could speak directly to you, I would also say, "The only way I have to communicate, until I feel better cared for and understood, is to demonstrate my problems to you by making you feel that you are as useless and helpless a human being in relation to me as I felt useless and helpless when younger. You will feel put upon and mistreated and feel like a fool if you complain or object." BE WARNED: If you point out to me that this is what I am doing--that I'm treating you as I was treated or that I'm communicating by behavior rather than by words--I will not listen to you or take such an explanation seriously UNLESS YOU FIRST show by your patience that you will allow me to do at least some of these rough-and-tumble testing things to you in (physically harmless but yet) emotionally intense ways. You have to first prove to me, you see, that you can patiently understand and accept what I felt like before I myself will consider any explanations of what I'm doing or before I will consider that I, like you, can become more patient and comfortable with what happened to me earlier in life. You can then be an example for me by showing me how to better react to situations like those that I had been faced with and that I now make you have to face so that I can watch and learn from your reaction. So I'll be learning, from your example, about how to deal with my enormous passive-to-active tests. Sometimes you may have to stand up for yourself in some kind of respectful oppostion to my possible mistreatment of you in order to show me how I may be able to protect myself in these kinds of situations. Or I may be needing you to take some other kind of active measures to protect me or someone else rather than you. I would continue to say, if I could speak, "You see, I was never able to bear these feelings of helplessness and humiliation in consciousness myself when I was young. Young persons cannot bear a whole lot of intense feeling, especially not negative intense feeling. So therefore I had to become unaware of my anger, humiliation, anguish, and helplessness. I still live in that young mind in many ways, especially when I'm testing you. I'll tell you more about this matter of expressing younger parts of my mind in my next letter." So you must first show me how to contain feelings and still behave intelligently by your example in relation to me. To show me this, you need to show by your example how to patiently stay with these intense feelings and still remain fairly intelligent before I ever will be able to talk about how bad I felt. When I can then talk after seeing your good example, I can also listen better to your explanations. And then I can use our talks together in a self-aware and more productive way so that I can begin to talk about what I feel and need. Actually it could turn out that I don't ever do much talking about these things. Instead you may just begin to notice that I'm a lot happier and that I start having satisfying and mutual relationships with others that feel natural without humiliation in needing others. You'll start to hear me saying "I need you" or "thank you" or "I'm sorry," and it will just seem natural for me to say these things. Oh, by the way, you don't have to be perfect at passing any of my tests. You just need to be "good enough." If you fail sometimes, I almost always give you more opportunities to pass later. Try to hang in there with me, and I'll hang in there with you. Until later, sincerely not yours or mine, Narcissus
In my last letter I told you about how I have to communicate with behavior rather than with words. And I explained how some of my behavioral tests would be designed to make you feel like I did when I developed my narcissistic ways of non-relating relating.
Replies:
|
| Behavior OnLine Home Page | Disclaimer |
Copyright © 1996-2004 Behavior OnLine, Inc. All rights reserved.