Re: affairs

>Joni B. · 3/19/00 at 3:43 am ET
>I wonder if all clients who are involved in extramarital >affairs should be counseled to end them? Is there ever a >case when the affair could be considered beneficial.

This is a great question. I do think that the crux of affairs, is not the sexual relationship. This is usually the spouse who has been cheated upon usually assumes. Actually, many times the people involved consider this their motivation as well. I am more of the philosophy that those that involving themselves in an affair simply are reaching out for affection and attention because they are lonely. For whatever reason they do not feel they can express this fact to their mate, and the go outside the relationship to fill these needs.

So while, there are a lot of problems going on that should addressed, I have spoken with many a couple that felt that the relationship beyond the relationship was stressful but actually brought the two closer. While this may not be the rule, there is the occasional case where the spouse that goes on the adventurous affair realizes they really want to be with their mate and rededicate. When this happens, or even if the offending party is "caught" open communication is almost always the result. You can't go wrong with communication even if it is heated. Smile. Great question.

Jasmine
jasmine@jasai.com

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