Jokes

I read some jokes online and wondered...

Do any animals other than humans display a sense of humor?

Why is it that others' discomfort can be a source of humor?

Do people avail themselves of the web to observe, vicariously experience, or amuse themselves by, the discomfort of others? (I think so.)

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An elderly man goes to a pharmacy with a prescription for Viagra. He asks the pharmacist, "Can I get a partial prescription?"

The druggist replies, "Yes, I can sell you half the prescription."

The man says, "I mean, can you cut the pills in quarters?"

The pharmacist explains, "But they wouldn't work."

The old man says, "I'm 80 years old, I don't want to have sex. I just want my dick to stick out enough so I don't pee on my shoes."

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A guy's wife talks him into taking her golfing. Her first drive, she drills the ball right through the picture window of a house by the course.

The husband starts yelling, "Now look at what you did; we'll have to pay for that!"

So they walk up to the house and find the door open. They knock and a voice inside says, "Come in."

They walk in, see the broken window and a broken antique vase the ball had hit and this guy in a weird costume sitting on a recliner.

The husband says, "I'm sorry, sir, we were playing golf and accidentally hit your window, and vase, too, I see. We'd like to pay for the damages."

The guy says, "Not a problem. You see, I'm a genie and I was stuck in that bottle you broke for 2,000 years, so I would like to grant you three wishes. But if you don't mind, I'll keep the last wish for myself. What would you like, sir?"

The husband replies, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life!"

The genie claps his hands and says, "You've got it, plus you'll live a long, happy life."

Then the genie asks the woman, "What would you like?"
She replies, "I'd like a home in every country in the world, and the servants to staff them."

The genie claps his hands and says, "You've got it, plus you'll live a long and happy life."

The genie looks at the husband and says, "You know, I've been in that bottle for 2,000 years and I've almost forgot what it's like to be a man. Would you mind if, for my wish, I spend some time with your wife?"

The man and wife discuss it and decide, after everything the genie had done for them, they could concede him this. So, the genie takes the woman upstairs. He's absolutely insatiable and makes love to her in positions she's never even heard of before.

After three hours, the genie asks the woman, "How old are you?"

She replies, "My husband and I are both 35."

The genie says, "Wow--35--and both you and your husband still believe in genies?"

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A guy is walking along the Strip in Las Vegas and a knockout-looking hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks, "How much do you charge?"

The hooker replies, "I start at $500 for a hand job."

The guy says, "Five hundred dollars? For a hand job?? Holy moley! No hand job is worth that kind of money!"

The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"

"Yes."

"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"

"Yes."

"And beyond that...do you see that third Denny's?"

"Yes."

"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And I own them because I give a hand job that's worth $500."

The guy says, "What the hell. Ya only live once. I'll give it a try."

They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is totally amazed. He says, "I suppose a blow job is worth $1,000?"

The hooker looks him in the eye and purrs, "$1,500."

"$1,500!? My God! No blowjob could be worth that! A politician wouldn't pay that much for a blow job!"

The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big fella. Do you see that casino across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow job that's worth every cent of $1,500."

The guy, basking in the afterglow of the terrific hand job, decides to put off a new car for another year. He lays back, puts his hands behind his head, and says, "OK, let's go."

Ten minutes later, he's sitting on the bed, his head spinning. He can scarcely believe the sensation he just had. He decides that he truly got his money's worth.
He decides to go all the way and dips into his retirement savings for one more glorious and unforgettable experience.

He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?"

The hooker says, "Come over here to the window. I want to show you something. Do you see the whole city of Las Vegas laid out before us...all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces and showplaces?"

The guy says in awe, "My Lord, you own the whole city?"

The hooker replies, "No, but I would IF I had a pussy."

Replies:

Re:Jokes, by John, 09/28/02

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