Hi there. I'm a 25 year old male, and for the last 6 months I have been posting as middle aged female. I inhabit a site where a competitive game is played, and where users form groups that compete against each other and have games everyday where points are awarded for playing well, daily statistics are tallied and players are ranked, similar to a fantasy basketball website. I was a frequent user of the message boards there for about a year, posting as myself, but usually just reading to find tips on playing the game. One day I came across a group of posts from females who were complaining about being treated unfairly, being constantly underestimated and feeling like male users were often trying I assumed a female persona, formed a group, and invited all interested females to join through a post in the message boards. Since the number of males using the message boards far outweighed the number of females, it took longer than usual to fill the group, about two weeks. During those 2 weeks, I recieved a great deal of support from males and females alike for my idea, and noticed that I was being treated much differently than I had before. Instead of being ignored when I posted, I found everyone wanting to talk to me and ask me questions. I have a very good understanding of the game being played on the site, and the rules and workings ofthe site itself. I found that I was able to use the knowledge I have to help lots of people out, as well as answering technical questions, giving thought-provoking opinions and asking thought-provoking questions myself...Things I didn't feel comfortable doing as myself. As a woman, I've found that my voice is always heard and respected. Even the most notorious flamers who live to insult anyone they can stay clear of flaming me and will always repond respectfully and sometimes apologetically when I attempt to get involved with one of their frequent verbal attacks on other posters. My activity in there consists of helping people any way I can (with info, links, or advice), trying to stop insults and flaming (always respectfully, I never flame ANYONE, I can usually find something to say that leaves no room for it, always trying to put myself in everyone else's shoes, trying not to take sides), giving as many opinions I can, and generally trying to bring out the best in everyone. The Women's group worked out very well, and the members were very happy to be there and thankful for my forming it. For most of them, it became their favorite group, a place where they felt comfortable interacting, sharing, and playing without worry and with a feeling of friendship and goodwill as opposed to heavy competition (though they have provided more competition and challenge for me than any other similar group I've been a member of). I've never had the intention or desire to flirt with anyone, male or female, and I've never practiced in that and have no interest in it. The person I am when I'm online (and I mean that in a very real-feeling way) makes it clear to the people around her that she is alone and intends to stay that way, and doesn't appreciate flirty advances or comments. In reality I live with my girlfriend of 7 years who I am deeply in love with. She knows about and supports all of my online activities. I am a very avid player of the game, and I have made many friends throught the message boards, male and female. I decided to invite some of the other players I have met to join a group to play in next year. I invited the most active and respected posters at the site, and everyone I invited accepted. It's the group I've always dreamed of, sort of a "who's who" group of well known, mature and highly competitive but friendly players from the message boards. When I go online I feel like I become this person. She makes everyone around her happy. She solves people's problems and adds a positive influence to any thread she enters. She makes people laugh and smile, always ready to discuss anything, and everyone there seems to be glad to have her around, and they say so.
I could use some opinions, and this seemed like a good place to post. Here's my story, as nervous as I am to talk about it "out loud" (I'm paranoid about being found out)...
to take advantage of them, assuming they were an easy target. That's how I became a female.
I created a private message board for the members of the group to discuss anything that came to mind, and it's been only a month and the board has over 200 posts on it. Everyone is thrilled to be a part of that group as well, as I am. I have never met a more kind, intelligent, and friendly group of people.
But I feel guilty. It would make lots of people sad if I left, and it would make me sad as well, I feel like I'm gaining a lot from this experience, but the guilt burns at me. If I tell everyone the truth, they will surely be very angry, they haven't taken kindly before to people doing the same thing, but many of them will also feel very sad, my online persona has made a lot of good friends who feel they can trust me and feel that I'm ALWAYS honest and good, and have come to have faith in that.
What should I do?
Replies:
|
| Behavior OnLine Home Page | Disclaimer |
Copyright © 1996-2004 Behavior OnLine, Inc. All rights reserved.