Dear CM Therapists: There is a message, dated 1/31/2000, at the shame and affect forum at Behavior OnLine in which a reference is made to Control Mastery Theory (CMT) and its concept of a "test." In this posting at the other forum, a "test" was referred to this way: "Elsewhere on the BOL forum list is the Control Mastery Forum, led by Jessica Broitman, who reminds us constantly that much of our behavior is organized as a test to see whether the other person will fit into our scheme or plot or structure of how the interpersonal world should be organized." I think this quote is a mistaken statement of CMT's concept of a "test." But I would like to know here at the Control Mastery forum if I am clear about this quote being mistaken or perhaps misleading. A "test" in CMT actually does not refer to trying to find persons who fit or match our existing structure. At CMT, the word "test" is used to refer to exactly the opposite. "Testing" in CMT refers to trial behaviors in which one tries to find other persons who can help us leave behind or move away from the unsatisfying ways we have structured our world. So rather than a "test" being a way to find persons who fit our existing personality, a "test," according to CMT, is an unconsciously designed way to find persons who will not fit our personality structure but will instead behave in a way that helps us find something else more satisfying. The quote at the shame and affect forum continued: "The man who will be a criminally abusive husband offers his date a combination of insult and compliment she finds interesting. You know what I mean--"Hi, ugly, you're so sexy." "You really are stupid for a beautiful woman." "You're so lucky I came along to protect you." And so on down the list of tests that check to see whether the recipient is willing to accept demeaning identifications in order to receive a matching message that feels good." In CMT, however, the recipient of such "tests" who is willing to receive a demeaning identification has not passed the tests but instead has failed them. And in CMT it is not assumed that someone feels good when others fail our tests. The person who tests in this way is likely to be looking for help in overcoming the effects of having been (or of expecting to be) demeaned in these same ways. This means the person is probably using passive-to-active testing. The tester may feel the failed test result is sadly familiar. This familiarity may actually deepen the tester's existing unsatisfying adaptation, as in believing more surely that "this is as good as it gets." But the tester will not feel good because what happens is that the tests are failed so that all one has found is yet another person who is no better able to protect oneself from gratuitous belittlement than the tester. I was hoping someone at the CM forum may be able to say more about what I have written here.
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