I just read thru the Abnormal Behavior above and feel wanna seek for ur advice..... I'm 25years old female.....
I have similar behavior like the above author's husband, whom pretend like a gal in net...but I used to pretend like a guy....Well to tell u about myself...I have 4 sisters and I'm 2nd in family, my father passes away while I'm 13th in an ACT. I am a normal child whom wear dresses with my sisters but my taste change....I dun like to wear lady's dress but only pants since I'm young (when I start choose myself)....I hate my father for his bad attitude towards my mum and also us... Till the minute he died...he used to beat my mum and sometimes us if we defend mum....Many times he tried to abuse (sexually) us (me n my elder sis ) but my mum manage to safe us from him. All of us hate him so much until I have a deep feeling to even kill him....I start have ambition to be a police so that I can have a gun and shoot him.......but naturally...I start loving boys stuff like wear jeans all the time ( I will wear dress sometime if my mum force ), play boys toys, play soldier, practice karate and so on.......when my aunts tease me abt marriage (for fun) I also build a habit to answer that I would not get married when I growth and will be with my mum forever.....bcoz we have a culture that gals have to follow husband after the marriage...I dun want my mum to be alone.....
All this happen until my father die when I was 13th.....my mum more peace and happier...but internally I totally changed ....... When I'm 14th I start missing my girl-friends....I will do anything for them and really like them.....this continues till I'm 17th. In between when I'm 16th, my uncle misbehave with me while I'm sleeping.....he rub 'some' part of my bodies few days......I just keep quite and finally told my sister abt this and that ends....At 17th, I meet a female friend and we are very close. She is also very close to me and we use to talk in phone few hours......this make my mum start worried.....my family (mum & sisters) start to control me and scold me for my over-limit relationship.....I love my family very much but I can take it when they disallowed me to friend with her...so can say everyday I will fight with my mum..she will cried and say I'm same as my father in torturing her......I just can't take the word and even once I tried to commit suicide.....bcoz dun want to torture my family...but they safe me.... till then my relationship with my this galfren become close less.....but gain I'm 19th I meet a new friend.....I have problem with my family again and I
just dun know how to solve...my family sent me outstation for further studies so that we would not keep in touch..but we just continue but cut my meals....!! Yes I understand that we r really in love!! A few time I caught by my family by letter we exchange.......I'm sure they know that we are in love, but we ( my fly and me) never talk directly abt that...they just scold and force me to end this relationship! Yes we are lesbians. After 3 years I come back to my hometown and I'm still the same, but my family dun know that we are still in contact....bcoz we would not contact while I'm at home...I did tried many times to break-off and live normally but I just could not do it?.I love her ?..now she is working outstation 400km away and it is have been 6 years we know each other and we r in true love.......we did fight many time but never break-off ?..we still sincere to each other and living as husband wife....of course I'm the guy ;-)
Now I'm working as an Analyst Programmer and support my family.....I love my family very much and they love me too... my elder sister married and now they start forcing me to get married.....and I'm avoiding......I told them I want to live as single forever.....but nobody agree with me and I'm still trying......
Since I'm small till now internally I'm living as a guy......I dun like to wear dress or make-up....but externally I'm still following my family's wish and live as a girl.....sometimes they really force and I have to follow ........ when I wear dress I will lack of confidence and passive.....when I wear pants or jeans I will be really active and out-speaking....my galfren dun like to see me wear lady's dress also but she will accept bcoz she know abt my fly...she asked me to do transgender many times but I really can't do it against my family....and so she accept....she respect them a lot as I do.....
She dun see any problem in me but I know all this while that something is wrong in me......I knew something is abnormal.....I used to surf net for those issue like 'lesbian's life in community' ,single life, and psychology things.....I'm trying to understand myself....I'm trying to gain prove that what I'm doing is not a crime...I'm keep telling myself that les is nature and it is also true love......but I dun know.... I love her and dun think so will change.....I love my family and her too..... now.....I prefer to create profile as a guy in net.....I have few good friends but nody know that I'm a guy internally expect my 'wife'! But when come to debate or issue I always support gals and condemn guys a lot......but I dun think I hate guys bcoz I knew everybody is different...I also have 2 good male friend. Still, when come to love problem....I dun trust guys and their promises....and I still hate my father......
Am I mental disorder? What can I do now?..shall I continue??or I really in dilemma.
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