Jessica, you are right that he has invited me to condemn him, and to see him as incompetent.This thesme has played itself out most overtly regarding the bill: he pays me, then calls and asks me very apologetically to hold on to it so it doesn't bounce. Explorations of this have revealed his fears that I'll reject him, and also evoked painful memories of being yelled at and threatened by his brothers, some years back, if he did not swiftly pay back a small loan. In these instances ( his asking me to hold the check) I am struck by how Joseph ends up putting himself in my power completely. What exactly is the test: to see if I will notice this, and not enjoy his powerlessness? (i.e. a compliance test) To see if I will take advantage and exert my power (e.g. depositing the check anyway, so that he has to pay a fine -- i.e. he gets punished)? Or is he pulling for criticism and rejection, as you have suggested? All of the above...?
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