I am working with a boy who has been neglected and abused most of his life by the biological mother. She has been drug addicted for 11 years and suffered neglect, abuse, and sexual assault in her childhood. The boy has been removed from his mother's care and is presently living with the mother's aunt. The aunt claims the boy cannot be parented by the usual methods. She has studied 'Positive Disipline' and 'Parenting with Love and Logic'. She states that most of the time the methods taught do not work with the boy. The aunt has requested a pshyc evaluation but the social worker/case worker does not want any input from the aunt to the evaluator. Case worker claims not to want to taint the evluation by suggestion from the aunt. The aunt claims an accurate evaluation cannot be made without her input.
The boy often/always displays anger and opposition to common daily requests. Such as "time to get up" will result in 10 to 30 minutes of "I don't want to. You can't make me. I hate you. I am going to kill myself. I am going to kill everyone in this house." The comments are made with open displays of hostility including screaming, name calling, hitting, biting, kicking, running wildly about the house, throwing and breaking things, and spitting in other's faces. Other things that can provoke this behavior are--time to come eat, what to eat, the aunt leaving the boy with a sitter, put on his seatbelt, pick up toys, etc. At bedtime this goes on for as long as 4 hours. The child responds in this manner almost always at home or when with the members of the family he lives with. It occurs often when he is with his great-grand parents. It often/always occurs when he is denied something he wants while shopping--toys, candy, movies, etc. For days to weeks the behavior is even worse after an in person visit with his mother.
He must be the center of attention. He becomes violent when he is excluded from a conversation between members of the household especially the aunt and her daughter. Tantrums result when he isn't told who is on the phone and the subject matter, when the aunt goes outside even for a minute or two. He will often/always place his hand or whole body between someone when they are reading a book, doing homework, watching tv, doing chores, conversing with others.
And, of course, he never accepts responsibility for the behavior. Only rarely does he feel any remorse for hurting someone. He displays mostly appropriate behavior when with the case worker, therapist, during visits with his mother, and at preschool. The aunt does relate that he will masterbate frequently and often after the visits with his mother. And she askes if this could be a self-soothing (medicating) way to diminish the negative effects of the visits. She also asks if he could be re-traumatized being with his mother. The visits are supervised by the case worker. So the aunt does not believe there is any sexual misconduct by the mother.
The aunt thinks that the person doing the evaluation should be aware of the violence the boy often/always displays and the frequency of the outbursts.
Does anyone have an opinion? Do you agree with the case worker or the aunt?