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  #1  
Unread October 27th, 2006, 09:22 AM
Chayan Das Chayan Das is offline
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Default Few Questions:

Mr. Lankton,

May I ask a few questions here for my growth?

(1) Our existence is an internal experience. I feel the only way I can understand others is by projecting my own feelings and understanding on them. But somehow I have come to a vague idea that there probably exist some way by which I can experience others as something different from me. Am I wrong? Could you put any light on this?

(2) Each of us has our conscious and unconscious systems. Sometimes we avoid knowing things about ourselves but easily let others know about those hidden facts. Why this happens? Is it true that unconscious is like an open book and one can read as much as one is able? Is it because allowing others know our unconscious satisfies certain psychological need? Is there any measure that encourages knowing the self and discourages unconscious confession?

(3) To understand one we need to closely observe one's verbal and other motor behavior. But what kind of observation is exactly required to know one till one's root? I read Dr. Erickson taught how by looking at a person one can tell that the person works as a policeman. What suggestion will you have for a beginner like me so that I can understand the basic facts about a person? Is it just an art of history taking or something more?

(4) I have seen some visiting consultants who give advice to their patients over telephone and at the same time check another patient's records and even write important prescription. Apparently their brain works faster and is efficient in multitasking. In contrast, when I try to observe someone my verbal ability gets greatly impaired. Is it only a matter of practice and habit? Could you tell me how my brain is different from theirs?

Thank You
Chayan Das
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  #2  
Unread November 2nd, 2006, 04:39 AM
Stephen Lankton Stephen Lankton is offline
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Default Re: Few Questions:

Chayan, Here are some answers for you:

1) I don’t know if I quite understand your questions. Certainly, all we perceive is some sort of projection of our inner self. Yet, we grow and become more talented/informed/knowledgeable over the years. Obviously, interaction with the ‘external world’ causes us to (or allows us to) make increasingly complex arrangements of our own experience. So herein lies your answer, I think. Come to know something new as you experience others. That newness that causes you to put things together in a fresh way…that is what you learned from the other person. That is how you know you’ve experience the other person.

2) I would not say that our communication is due to secretly wanting others to know what we feel/think. Rather, I think people can not expect to successfully conceal the relatively true nature of who they are (if observers are willing to see, hear, and feel what is presented to them).

3) It takes time. It takes questions and feedback. It takes an open mind relatively free of preconceived notions.

4) As habits become automatic they become unconscious and do not require attention (or much attention) from the conscious mind. When that is the case, multitasking is possible…when that is not the case, one can’t multitask
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  #3  
Unread November 22nd, 2006, 12:51 AM
Chayan Das Chayan Das is offline
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Default Could you please explain more?

1) Why did I ask? A few years back, while I was studying some books, one of my junior classmates came to my room. He became very aggressive and started arguing with me. After some time I told him whatever he is thinking about me was his own thinking because only way he could understand me was by projecting his own thought over me. He suddenly stopped and apparently avoided talking more on the whole issue. After that, several times I came across phrases like 'adding life to life' and 'separation of identities' and somehow felt all these things are related. So, it may not be a great question to ask, but I feel all our questions are basically efforts to resolve our own internal confusions, which may not be at all significant to others. Now, I think, I understood what you said here. Only there is a little confusion. Another person may be viewed as 'another pattern of association in the mind' (p174, Hypnotherapy). So I wonder whether it is possible for a mental system to get more and more complex within itself and whether that could be related to realities of psychosis. Do you want me to learn anything more on this?

2) It is surprising to know how much we let others know (or a person can know) ourselves when for example an astrologer tells our past and future. Yet when we are in social situations free communication gets restricted by our doubts, misunderstandings, shyness, resistance etc. What are the actual meanings of these things in interpersonal communications? Particularly why does a person resist? Afraid to be a different person? Loosing something? Will permissive approach work better in these situations? If so, what steps are required to move from an authoritarian approach to permissive one? Does this shift require more learning?

3) If all our behaviors are self-expressions, we express ourselves in a complex way. Some of us have emotional problems, thought disorders, personality problems etc. that make the relation between expression and motivation complex. Moreover, people get so involved in their day-to-day roles that they have less opportunity to behave as a unique person. So by observing one's behavior it is very difficult to understand what one's real motivation is, unless we have an infinite knowledge of human behaviors. Still most people are able to lead their day-to-day life effectively and relate appropriately. So, probably we don't need to learn everything to understand others and still lead a creative and fruitful life - but my question is how? Where do I need to keep my attention?

I don't know whether I have asked these questions in a proper way, because my unconscious is very active. Many times I edited these. Thank you for your patience.

Chayan
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  #4  
Unread November 26th, 2006, 12:52 AM
Stephen Lankton Stephen Lankton is offline
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Default Re: Few Questions:

These questions, as earlier questions from you also do, teeter on a thin line between philosophical/academic and personal growth/therapeutic advice. But I believe you know that this forum is not the place to request or recieve the latter.
1) Yup one can get all tangled up in blue, if one fails to develop certain cognitive and psychosocial skills that have been written about by a zillion theorist from Freud to Piaget to Erikkson to McGoldrick and more.

2) There is a good bit of sociological research on self-disclosure. Interestingly, we do more of this with strangers and friends than people we are dating or engaged. That is sort of like saying, "I want my potential mate to NOT know the real me until after we are married!" But that's the research. See Olson & DeFrain, MARRIAGES AND FAMILIES (5th ed.), p. 112, for instance. The why is speculation.

3) I assume the keyboard I am using is not "in my mind" and I CAN know something of it. Why not others as well? So, I say, 'know thy self' and it will be easier to know where I end and the keyboard begins, no?
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  #5  
Unread February 17th, 2007, 09:53 AM
Chayan Das Chayan Das is offline
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Default Re: Few Questions:

I have received the book in my hand.
I guess I did not yet appreciate how much I received from you.
Thank you Mr. Lankton.
Chayan
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