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Unread April 10th, 2008, 01:55 AM
charles trust charles trust is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2008
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Default Couple in trouble What can be done?

My wife has been going to therapy for many years without showing significant progress, the past three years she chose a gestalt therapist and seems to have finally anchored into some form of treatment that has finally grabbed her attention. On the other hand as we have serious problems as a couple I have tried (many times) to approach her therapist so as to report my views of her clearly "unusual behaviors". i.e.: pathological jealousy, paranoid thoughts, anger explosions, violence etc.
As her therapist simply does not answer my calls, or respond my letters. The past five months I have searched for other professional opinions and recommendations. I’ve had at least 12 interviews (four with each professional) in which I described her behavior to a highly regarded clinical psychologist and 2 equally trustworthy psychiatrists. It was clear to all of three that my wife has a "Borderline Personality Disorder" (BPD).
It is characteristic to the BPD to have the capacity of convincing anyone of anything. I suspect my wife has convinced her therapist of many ideas that are not consistent with reality. Her distorted perceptions that I a womanizer and a villain and she is my victim, that I am aggressive and she is tolerant. (There is very useful information regarding BPD through Google)
We have two girls and they have both seen her mother’s violent outbursts and domestic threats in situations that to others seem totally normal. This has to stop and has to stop in peace and with dignity to all family members. Last night I received a 2 minute call from my son’s girlfriend (she was visiting from the US and meant to see our youngest daughter) and my wife got so disturbed that she asked me to leave our home. As the house is hers she threatened to call the police if I didn’t leave.
I am sure that her report of this incident to her therapist was totally different; she reported her own distorted perception of what really happened (another BPD trait). Her therapist who has no professional training in psychopathology or clinical psychology and has no idea that she is treating a person with a Borderline Personality Disorder. BPD people can be very smart, I would add that my wife has superior intelligence, great empathy and astonishing verbal skills. Her therapist may be a respected member of Latin American or World wide Gestalt Ass. but that gives her no right to (some how) exclude me from my wife’s process. I sincerely think (and so do the professionals I visited) that at this point of disturbance my wife needs better help and probably some type of psycho pharmaceutical treatment. (At least for some time)
I am lost and have no ways of penetrating the shield that they built around them. The local intervention of a "peace judge" would raise hell in my marriage and at the same time create great disturbance on her therapist and of course in the therapeutic process.
"The therapist" is an international member of one or many Gestalt Associations; I thought that perhaps I could try some kind of international pressure through one of these associations. I’ve also thought of getting her family involved but I can foresee a general chaos in our relationship if I make any of these local moves.

Could you help with any suggestions please?
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