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Unread December 28th, 2005, 10:06 AM
Lil'Pon Lil'Pon is offline
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 24
Default Re: Letters from Narcissus

The answer for you, is that you have probably already answered your own question. It is doubtful that your narcissist friend will “ever get it”. It's likely that “things will never change”. It's likely that the only thing you can do to help your own situation is to stop coming back for more - that is - if your partner truly has full blown NPD. Full blown NPD people are nearly incurable and about the only thing they can do to help themselves is get some kind of counseling so that they can remain functional to a degree. Meds usually don’t work either because all personality disorders are comprised of an ingrained belief system. Belief systems are extremely difficult to change no matter what kind of therapy and/or meds are involved. Narcissists maintain the skewed perception that they are “always right”, that “everyone else is wrong”. That’s the way it will always be with a full blown NPD person.

People with NPD are experts in making the people around them miserable. NPD people are extremely skillful at that – making everyone else around them miserable – especially those who love and care about them. Life is a matter of degrees though and I believe that there are also people with moderate cases of NPD and that there is hope for them if they are willing to self reflect and seek out some kind of professional assistance.

A good friend of mine was involved with a Narcissist a long time ago for several years - the relationship was an on again - off again kind of thing. The NPD person was female which I hear is rare; from the literature I have read the past several months it is estimated that only 20 percent or so NPD individuals are female. In my friends case his NPD friend alternated between directing false flattery and emotional abuse - unhealthy manipulation in a somewhat subtle manner. Her sense of entitlement was massive.

Nothing my friend could do for this woman was ever good enough. He was always wrong - she was always right - she rarely compromised about anything he was concerned about, yet expected him to take everything she said as fact or law. In the end, according to her, it was my friend who had all the problems, she had few if any, and it got to the point that he became brainwashed that he was seriously mentally ill. It took my friend many years to realize that he was doing just fine without her before they had met, and most of his major life problems occurred after they started dating, not before. Thankfully he seems to have recovered much.

BTW most people with full blown NPD will either never admit that they have this disorder or they don’t know they have it. They are very skillful at masking their disorder from others, either consciously or unconsciously.

The other side of the coin is that people who stay with those with NPD for any length of time definitely have some serious issues as well, namely co dependency - it takes two to tango. Usually if one has been in an abusive relationship with a NPD person it means that one is addicted to the NPD individual. In my friends case, he was addicted to her cyclic flattery and emotional abuse. I also believe that such people if they continue to remain in denial about their situation that there will probably be a point of no return for them.

From my experience I have found that many therapists don’t know what to do with NPD people. They are very difficult to treat.

Last edited by Lil'Pon; January 3rd, 2006 at 08:59 AM.
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