I think it is possible to treat both parties in such situations as victims and to treat both with compassion. Any child (and 12 y olds are still children) who is violating a weaker and younger child has obviously abuse, trauma and/or attachment issues of their own. It is in the best interests of the children, their families and our larger world to approach such situations as nonpunitively and safely and respectfully as we can. This begins with appropiate boundaries and teaching all children how to say no and what is ok behavior, and what age differentials mean. If you "punish" a 12 y o for abusing a four y o... and he/she is still being abused by, say, a parent, you are not teaching any lesson, except the one you don't want to teach... that being "bigger" means you can get away with more. So punishing can be part of it, but compassion needs to come first, and a willingess to engage the perpetrator and hear and witness their own history and pain.
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