IS IT SHAME?
March 9, 1996
The distinguished theorist/clinician Donald Nathanson and several of his colleagues are present daily in our Shame and Affect discussion area. A large number of people visit this area every day too, but very few post questions or comments. Many must find the discussion there and in the Nathanson Conversation fascinating and enlightening, as I do. For instance yesterday a therapist wrote:
"In the middle of a shame spiral, I have been trying to observe what is happening. I first see how disorganizing shame is. There is frantic movement as if I am trying plug up holes in a dam that is springing leaks. I also get momentary flashes of a self-image of a me that I have identified as the source of my shame..something I have been trying to hide and now feels exposed. What I am unsure of is am I experiencing the shame or am I experiencing the defence against the shame?
"Is it a matter of degree? I believe feeling the full-blown shame is what helps stop the shame spiral..is this a correct assumption? I am reading Shame and Pride and I am sure this question is adressed but I haven't gotten to it yet. The book is very gratifying for me since it explains some of the mechanics of different feelings. I feel that if we can observe carefully enough we can observe these processes within. Anyway...at great risk of more shame I will post my note."
Today, Don Nathanson responded, in part:
"I define an affect as one of those nine physiological mechanisms described by Tomkins..., a feeling involves our awareness that an affect has been triggered, while an emotion involves the coassembly of an affect with our memory of previous experiences of that affect. This linkage between an affect (in this case any moment of shame affect) and our previous experiences of it, would be merely "cognitive" except for the fact that each of the shame-filled memories is capable of triggering more shame as we go over it in awful detail and remember what happened that was so embarrassing....
"In the case of any such painful affective experience, it helps to recognize it, to label the specific affect and to concentrate on it for a momemt. This allows us to focus on whatever had triggered it initially and thus allows us to process it best. I view each of the nine innate affects as a highly specific searchlight that pulls some feature the scene from background to foreground. The intense light of triggered affect is an evolved mechanism that lets us use the most advanced and highest part of the mind to analyze and solve what the searchlight has identified as needing attention. All we have to do is concentrate on the episode that triggered the affect, and the affect itself goes away. The purpose, or function of affect is to provide illumination so we can do that."
"I am perplexed about what prevents members of our professional community (who readily travel hundreds of miles to attend a lecture by Nathanson) from jumping in and deriving the benefit of direct dialogue with this wise, articulate and provocative teacher. Is it shame?"
The Editor
