Anger/Unability to accept reality Problems with 13 year old girl
My name is Moria and I'm here because I am worried about my 13 1/2 year old daughter. I feel as if though she has a very low self esteem and gets paranoid/anxious over little things...she is also very negative. I have a feeling that she might have anxiety disorder and she shows anger attacks over little things especially when she does not get what she wants.
she does not want to listen to any rules in the house or anything my husband and I tell her. She gets physically abusive and threatens to kill herself/runaway whenever anything is forced on her. When she doesn't get her demands fulfilled, she doesn't let anyone live in peace. So my husband is very scared and bends over backwards to try and "save" her.
Yesterday, my husband took her to a counselor under the pretense of getting her anger problem corrected (she admits she has an anger problem-that's a good sign isn't it?) and the question of school was brought up. She will be going into 9th grade next year. However, she wants to go to School X (which is near where she went to Junior High School and a lot of her friends will be going there). We live about 5 miles away from that area and it is in quite a run-down/"ghetto" area. However, her transfer request to that school was denied because School X is full. School Y is literally in front of our house and is within walking distance it is brand new and is in a better area (even with budget cuts, the school easily looks like a private high school). However, she says she will not leave her friends and will not go to School Y at all.
She is unwilling to accept the reality that her transfer request was denied by the PYLUSD and she thinks she can make a fit in front of the school counselors (who have visited our home when she refused to go to school on the last day of 8th grade) and they will convince the Child Welfare and Attendance (CWA) department to bend the rules somehow or she might throw a fit/be difficult and my husband might talk/bribe the CWA district office to accomodate her into the school of her choice.
The main reason she was in the area of school X was because she did her elementary in that area (because she was a GATE student). Her grades dropped after elementary and she was no longer in the GATE program. During the summer of 2008, she did the same thing with us. She wanted to go to the Junior High of her choice and would not budge. We tried to get her to go to a private junior high and she went for the test, but she said she would not go (she was less difficult and stearn than she is now).
However, now her friendship connections have gotten stronger and she is against going anywhere with us outside of the house at all. She only wants to go and be with her friends. By the way, her friends have never come to our house and she only goes to them with the movies, etc. She says that she will be truant and will demand that my husband quit his job to homeschool her if it comes to that. Or she demands that we get an apartment near the school so she can go there.
The skye can fall to the ground for all she cares. She doesn't care about the fact that my mom just had a stroke (she is still living with us) but she will scream, yell, vandalize/damage our home until she gets what she wants. My husband bought her a bike a few months back just for exercise purposes, but when she gets angry at us, she takes it and says she won't come back. My husband then takes the car to go after her and tries to talk to her for a few hours and they don't come back until early in the morning.
I honestly don't know what to do at this point. School starts September 7th, and her response has not changed. The orientation for freshman is on Wednesday at 8AM, and she is not waking up anytime before 12 PM (b/c she sleeps at 2AM since she is chatting/texting on laptop)these days because she is under the impression that everyone will have to give in to her tantrums and let her do whatever she wants. She is totally out of control and uses vulgar language as part of her dialogue with anyone (f-word, b-word, c*nt, etc.)
The orientation is not mandatory, but it will help to get things started on the right track for her when she starts school...should I push for her to go or call the police if she refuses.
On the first day of school, should I call the police and report her as truant if she does not go willingly. If she is so adamant for homeschooling, can the law require us to provide it to her by quitting our jobs? She has to be in school and there is no excuse for that...are there any private/millitary schools that we could possibly force her into. We are in the Anaheim, California area.
I am very concerned about talking to her myself on this matter as she completely looses control whenever she gets angry and has the ability to harm others or herself.
I am very scared about the coming weeks and I don't know what it will do to my other children. She is physically very strong and can pull off almost anything. She just doesn't accept that budget cuts,School X is full and she thinks that we purposefully orchestrated it so that she couldn't go.
She has made me give up my rights/role as a mother because I'm so afraid of the abuse I will put up with when I try to talk to her. Do you think that this is a cause for psychiatric concern and needs to be treated with being committed to some type of a treatment center? Or is this just a case of a spoiled child?
If psychiatric care is needed, would we need to have some type of insurance. She's my little girl and I love her with all my heart and I just want her to be okay no matter what happens. She really hates me a lot and says it constantly. Because I try to be tough on her and try to make her do things (which never works out). When she is asked to something she doesn't want she explodes in rage. Today, I asked her to go for a walk with me in the evening, she said No and I said come on you never do anything with me, and she then shook the coffee table and broke a glass. She ran upstairs and I followed her and told her she couldn't do this. She then started calling me a B**** and said that she would break my face as well.
I am very scared for her and of her at this point. Our family is falling apart because of this. I feel like I've lost my daughter. Honestly, school starts on Tuesday and we still haven't gotten the courage to pick up her schedule as she won't budge...she is just continuously crying and saying she won't do it. She is threatening us by saying she will get expelled from the school if it comes to do that.
I am so sorry for the long post, but I just needed to vent my concerns and perhaps local moms have any advice or know of any type enforcement/center that can help us. I appreciate any advice.
I'm not sure what to do at this point.
Thanks in advanc