View Full Version : Remorse felt by cheaters

December 12th, 2006, 02:22 PM
Hello. I'm a newbie...I had actually posted this in the General discussions section... i just thought i should repost it here....

I'm a 21 yr old student from India. Sometime ago I got interested in learning about how extra-marital affairs happen and how they affect everyone concerned (morbid curiosity???). I researched on this subject by contacting a few betrayed spouses (BS) through e-mail and by reading what the wayward spouses (WS) and the BS posted on a number of infidelity related forums.
I had been trying to find out what the former WS feel in their stage of remorse during recovery. For a very long time I had been thinking that the remorse that the FWS feel is because of their guilt that they have hurt their spouses and the thought that their marriage has been desecrated. A few months back I read that the introspective journey of the FWS is more painful than the hurt felt by the BS. That falsified my previous beliefs about the FWS� remorse� I asked myself �If I were the WS will the agony that I feel for having hurt a person be as painful, let alone be more painful than the agony being felt by the person I have hurt� I believe not.
So there must be other reasons for the FWS feeling a deluge of emotions like shame, guilt, desolation, self-loathing, fear and so on� None of the reasons I could come up with proved to be strong enough to cause that amount of pain that many FWS say they have felt.
Does anyone have an idea about what are the thoughts that make the WS feel this way?
I have my own theories. But before talking about it I needed to know the opinion of people who know more about this. Could you guys help me?

P.S: I�m an amateur and do not know much about psychology� the only book I�ve ever read about human behavior is �Manwatching� . So could you please be as descriptive as possible with ur replies?

James Brody
December 12th, 2006, 09:11 PM
Welcome to clocks and clouds...and to science!

Get hold of David Buss, Evolution of Desire. The 1994 1st edition is more concise and has more punch.

Also Kendrick has a nice paper on the degree of anger triggered when your wife cheats with your best friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.

David also has a fairly nice book on the necessity of jealousy.

Good luck with your adventures!


December 13th, 2006, 02:30 PM
Thanks Jim... Could you give me the links for Kendrick's articles. I had also read Dr.Harley's articles. A lot of what he says doesn't make sense actually... my theories are mostly based on what the BS and WS say and not on scientific psychological research. So i have difficulty in understanding the dynamics of affairs... that is why i came here

James Brody
December 13th, 2006, 02:45 PM
Do a Google scholar on "Kenrick," evolutionary.
Barnes Noble also can get you a paperback that he created on (gasp!) evolutionary social psychology!